Odd grey impressions dance around in the darkest corners of my living room. Phantoms of my past.
What few smiles there are quickly melt into howling expressions, gaping mouths twice the size of their bodies.
I’m killing time, looking in this dark mirror that follows me. There are people coming for me, Darlene said they’d be here at 1900.
These lazy pieces of shit.
The time is now 1933. A car pulls up, three honks. They were supposed to knock three times, not honk. Nevertheless I check the windows and see the two buffoons I was told to look out for.
1934.
I’m sitting inside their musty old car. Cans of soda and beer obscure the floorboards, pizza boxes and hamburger wrappers on the seat.
The old one is at the wheel and the younger is in the passenger, I’m sitting behind the elder.
A driver always protects his side in case of a crash.
The young one unbuckles to turn around and look at me. With a closed fist he smashes the courtesy light on. (Interrogation pleasure) An ugly orange tinted light dulled by stains on the plastic.
“Nice to meetcha. Darlene said your name was Phoenix?”
"Darlene told you my name? She didn’t tell me yours.”
“Well, introductions are best done in person.”
“Nothin’ beats doing it in person. First impressions should be face to face.”
“Yep. It’s good manners to do it in person. First impressions and all.”
Are they repeating themselves? No nevermind that, when did they become so tight assed about manners. Last I remember they kept me waiting for over half an hour.
Sure. Nice to meet you fellas.
I’m Tev. This old coot is Imma.
Old coot? Revise that. Make me sound a bit cooler.
I’m Tev and this ol son of a gun is Imma.
Yeah alright.
What?
Just doesn’t sound that cool to me. But to each their own.
Okay then, introduce yourself.
(I can see you)XOXOX Piercing eyes connect with mine through the rearview mirror. There’s an edge to this man that his age obscures, a true lust for blood.
I’m the Immaculate Imma and this here is my pal Touch-ya Tev.
I’m not engaging with that. No siree.
What? Do ya really like that name?
Not falling for it. You’ll go on for hours if I let you.
Nice to meet you both. Did Darlene tell you what our job is for today?
Some gal’s been missing for a few months now. Supposedly she downloaded a virus off her computer or some shit.
You’re leaving out all the important details again.
All these details are unimportant.
It’s a fucking job.
We go in with guns drawn, find her or don’t.
Report.
Get paid.
So there’s been rumors that the virus she downloaded is based on the new open source CRISPR stuff that’s been goin’ around. It essentially downloaded her into the internet.
Despite that, there’s been sightings of her nearby some cabin in the woods.
Some of her friends have been staking it out so we’re going to ask them a few questions.
Look around ourselves.
…
Then, yeah. Report and get paid.
Sounds simple enough.
Why did Darlene give all the details to these two cumrags? I don’t understand her intent here. Why should they know more than me? Just because they’ve worked for the Company longer? Fuckers. Stinking cock sucking, shit huffing fuckers. The coot turns on the car and we get moving. (Longing for your voice. Passionate death rattle) I see a woman in a white dress standing in the middle of the road, I’ve seen her so many times before. We drive right through her just as I knew we would, yet I still close my eyes, brace for impact or for a scream that I never hear. I’ll hear it later tonight, just not for now. (Spreading grey within an asphalt daydream)XOXO
Tev. For the love of god put down the sunflower seeds or I’ll shoot you in the fucking head.
Imma. Suck my cock and die.
You’re a fucking child, you know that? You act like a toddler. Phoenix I work with a fucking toddler.
Don’t drag the new guy into your temper tantrum.
Shut the fuck up. He wants to be included. Phoenix, do you think this guy acts like a toddler?
How about we have him vote on whether or not to eat sunflower seeds instead.
Fine, I’m an adult. See? I’m an adult so I can compromise.
Yeah, yeah.
So, Phoenix, do you think Tev should loudly suck on these fucking seeds and spit them out my fuckin' car?
They’re healthy and you can barely hear the sucking because I roll the window down…
To spit them out
They fucking curve back and then the wet shells hit my fucking car and I have to peel! Peel! Them off!
You want me to spit them in the floorboard? What do you fucking want?
For you to not eat sunflower seeds in my fucking car!
New guy, is Imma being a crybaby or what?
I thought we weren’t dragging him into this!?
I never said that.
Fucks sake…
What is their problem?
They’re acting like children. We’re adults, no professionals on a job. Unless…Could it be?
Do they know my real intent? No…
Phoenix?
Y-Yeah?
Yes or no. Should Tev be allowed to eat this shit?
Does it matter?
Oh, does it matter? Does it matter!?
Does it?
Eh, I guess not. Not really.
Don’t try to be the bigger man. I’ll be the bigger man!
Look, I’m putting the seeds down!
Whatever, sure. Be the bigger man then.
That’s why your wife likes me so much…She likes men who are bigger. Yeah, that’s right Phoenix. I’m this guy’s bull.
Bull? What the fuck does that mean?
Google it on your own time dude.
(Longing for your touch. Lustful myoclonus) I fantasize of gentle hands cupping my face. My mother’s hands? No, the woman in white. She held me just the same. For a moment my hands are as hers, I feel my mind leave through my nose. I feel okay. (They do) They don’t know. They don’t know I’m infiltrating Heilen. (They might) They don’t know who I am or who I work for… (Doubtful) It’s all going to be okay. No more screams, just for a little while. XOXO
Okay, we’re here.
Is everyone ready? Clear minded, guns prepared?
There’s another car here so her friends are definitely in this cabin for the night. We’re definitely going to freak them out.
Let’s try to keep things cool. These guns are for fiction.
Yes but…/p>
No buts. You got that too, right Phoenix?
Yeah…
We moved in silent under the moon, forward down a winding trail. The trees grew taller and the dark grew thicker, it felt like slowly being submerged into unsteady waters. There were times were my fivvering mind conjured ghosts to jeer at me from behind trees and times I felt like asking to turn back but I silently followed the two men who wore stoney expressions and whose cadence never fell to hesitation. That feeling of drowning. The suffocating air that night. I knew then that my lies would kill me.XOXO
Here’s the door.
Go ahead then, knock on it.
Fuck you, dude. You knock it.
Grow up, go kn-
Walking between these two children, I knock on the door. Shuffling feet, the sound of hushed questions. Yeah, Tev was right, they’re gonna freak the fuck out. I wonder if I should just kill them? Imma seems a little itchy to get shooting and he appears to have more authority than Tev… The door doesn’t just creak as it opens but downright screams (please don’t hurt me) at us. Behind the door is some young kid, maybe in his early twenties at best. Acne dots his rounded face. XOXO
Who are you?
We’re UBEF.
Uh…Can I see your badge?
Nah. But you can see our guns. Look, kid, we’re here to help your friend. Just tell us what you know.
I already told the cops everything!
Are we cops? I thought we were UBEF.
You two don’t work together?
Is there someone else there with you?
Huh? Uh, yeah. I wouldn’t stay here al-
I’m a pretty quick draw. I painlessly dispatch him before he can even feel fear. Some may whine or cry about it but I’d call that merciful if anything. I figure it’s hard to fret death if your brains are on the ground. I don’t like killing people, especially young people, especially noncombatants. But, if your grandpappy served in a war then ask him where he spent most of his time. I’ll answer, he spent it amongst the civs. With a big gun and a fearful crowd, there was only one way to truly interact with them. If your grandpappy served in a war then I’ll go ahead and tell you the truth- he’s killed some kids and fucked some more. It’s important to get used to these kinds of things if you’re going to do anything more than stand on the sidelines and daydream about distant soldiers heroically solving all your problems.XOXO
What the fuck!?
“Shut up, squirt. Let’s go chief.” I nod my head towards a shocked Imma, but, hell, he follows. He’s not pissing his pants like his junior, this guy gets it. I begin to step into the building but am immediately stopped by some screaming bitch.
I’ll spare you the quotation marks. She’s on her knees in front of the body. She’s asking why, she’s pleading for help, she’s damning us to hell. I point my gun at her temple and the young one lunges for it so I fire it into the air. Easy. Now even this hardened little tin soldier is cowering. Pussy.
I point my gun at her temple once again. I think she’s pissed herself. Yep, she definitely has.
“Hon, I want some information on your friend. Do that and we won’t do anything to you.”
She looks up at us. She seems pretty but it’s hard to tell behind the crinkled up face all coated in snot and other fluids.
The bitch tries to talk but stutters out some bullshit.
“We’ll hurt you. We’ll seriously fuck you up if you don’t answer quickly. Hell, even if you answer I’ll still beat the shit out of you if you don’t do it fast enough.”
I’m not a pervert nor am I the kind of shithead who gets off on hurting women. Nah, I’ve never been one for woman beaters, hell, I’ve been known to beat some asses over fuckfaces hitting women- but to be frank, I’m quite hard. Real hard. So hard it hurts. Yeah, I’m throbbing and my balls are aching.
She stutters
I can’t help but laugh, no matter how much I try to stifle it.
It draws some looks from them but at this point I don’t really care.
Severed from their humanity, they just…Drift. What meaningless lives. So meaningless. Meaningless. It eats at them to be so meaningless.
It’s their weird son who stands up. An agitated look struggles to express any emotion. I think for a moment that he’s going to lay into me but instead he begins screeching out
“It’s you. It’s always been you all. Protect the Yretch legacy? That doesn’t even exist. It isn’t real!”
There it is. A proper expression, something he’s known deep down since birth. Hell, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t dream of saying that…That certain something. That expression one is born with.
The two dicks look at me. The saccharine one pisses me off with some intense expression- babies' first emotion. The old bag of bones seems to be somewhere else entirely.
“What the fuck do you want to say? Just get it out already, my fucking god.”
He seems to lighten up a bit but still speaks with this sour-as-shit tone that annoys the everloving piss out of me.
“Detective K. I don’t mean to…” he flaps his hands through the air like a beheaded chicken trying to take flight “Impede your, not-so-official, investigations.” Ironic coming from you, dipshit “But…” stop fucking pausing so much. Get to your fucking point. “Frankly, I’m thinking we’re going to need to kill just about everyone involved. The Yretch family, at least.”
The shit sucking mouths emerge from concrete wombs. “Fuck me. Kill me. Rape me. Feed me shit! Shit! Shit!” That's all they can say. That’s all I really hear anymore these days.
But in this beautiful seaside town…Ah, the salty air in my hair, an excuse to finally start rocking sunglasses…
Really, I felt okay.
I felt really okay.
I felt okay, really.
Whatever, let’s humiliate ourselves. Humans shit and shit and shit. Lets embrace this convertible. Lifting off like a rocket into the cloud kissed blue oasis above. Open palms trying to catch the palpable sense of comfort drifting along the breeze.
Oh! How wonderful to live.
To have oils secrete onto my epidermis. Soft! Touch me!
To have intestinal fluids mix with the processed food in my guts. Delicious! Taste me!
To have teeth that ache when I eat candy. Ouch! It will be okay!
One day I’d love to learn what mushroom sauce tastes like! Mmm! One day!
Saliva builds up in my mouth and I swallow it patiently. I’ll be so patient with you, I promise. Nothing but gentle touches from now on, my precious fluttering nothing.
Ooh la la! French flares burst into prismatic whatever! Who gives a shit!
I open my mouth and it burns my throat! Ouch! You weren’t supposed to breath that much air! Or that much air! Or that much air that fast! Or that air that fast! Woah!
Sorry, breathe.
I sit back down with this stupid toothy grin plastered on my face.
I lean forward to say something to her. She looks so concentrated on the road. Did she even notice my silly escapade? We escape from underneath the shade of a cloud and the beautiful summer sun illuminates features of hers I hadn’t noticed before.
How do I say this without sounding like a child?
I don’t say anything to her because I get caught up watching her. I’m trying to see the reflection of the road in her eyes. Did the road always look this exciting? Were road trips always so appealing? Was there always this much safety in the air? A shelter in which soundwaves burst open through invisible layers of plastic-like oxygen wrap and bring smiles to everything nearby?
No. I’m sure. I glance at the roads myself. The world in her eyes just looks like one worth living in.
What’s with the pimples lining your hairline? That’s so easy to fix and easier yet to avoid. That’s so silly. Why is that so funny. I’m stifling a laugh and it hurts. Why does it feel like I’m about to cry? Does this whole world suck so much that even joy can be scary? No, no. I’m sure of it, if she were to look at me then her eyes would reflect a little girl who's never cried.
I bet she’d even see that I’m giggling right now.
This song on the radio is hurting my chest. Freckles on your cheeks look a lot like this song sounds. What are the lyrics? They’re a different language. Your ears don’t reflect sound as your eyes reflect light. Oh, how beautiful it must be- the song inside you.
A mole on your earlobe? I didn’t know that was possible! Am I stupid?
This has to be a love song.
Oh? Did I say that aloud? Of course not, but I thought it aloud. To myself. Me, me, me!
I don’t say anything because I want to kiss you! Anywhere is fine! That jawline is strong and the hairs on it are so present today, dancing under the sunlight like glitter. It’s just too cute. I wonder if they each feel different to kiss?
Your eyelashes are way too short! I’ve never seen someone with such short eyelashes? It’s soooooooooo weird! Haha! Do you think they’d grow if I kissed each one?
Your eyebrows are so kempt. Kempt? Can you just say kempt?
Who worries so much about their eyebrows but lets so many blackheads dot their nose. That’s crazy! Tell me more! Tell me!
I’ll kiss each one, of course. It’s not gross!
Wow! You’re serious, aren’t you? Look at those hands gripping the steering wheel. Geez, it’s not going anywhere! Would it hurt to be that steering wheel? What kind of hurt?
Woah. Trimmed nails. No, chewed nails. Jagged edges. Cuuuuttteeee!
What does it look like? When your lips curl around your bent finger?
Fingernail dirt left on your teeth. It might not taste bad?
There’s this bacteria in your stomach…Why is it there? lol IT’S OOOOKKAAAAYYYYYY
“K?”
Thank you for being alive. It’s tough work.
I’m happy here, in the backseat.
A dam of mushy wet material melts under this acid rain. New chemicals rush through! Have I been waiting on these this whole time?
“Yeah?”
“You leaned forward like you had something to say.”
I want to crash this car lol
“Uh…” hm… “Uh…..” hmm… “Uhhhhhhh….” hmm!!
“K?”
“Yeah?”
“You forgot what you wanted to say, right?”
Oh! That’s what this feeling is! I forgooottttttttttttttttttt.
Whish!
What was that sound?
It was something I made upppppppp!!!
“Yeahh”
She giggles. No, chuckles. Chuucckkk!
Straight up! It’s only one milimeter in diameter (what!?) so it can’t be detected by the human mouth if you p-pp-place it in the targets breaaakkffasstt cereal. lol. Yeah, yeah, of course. lol. lol.
Ah, yeah, flames begin to lick up my arms. Where are they coming from? OUCH! FUCKING SHIT! FUCK! PEE PEE!
Ah, yeah, my legs have been engulfed in flames. Exhaust from a complex machine spews from the joints above it’s base Ankle, f-foot
I know it’s you! I know you’re fucking with me!
I begin to flail my body around, hoping to put out the fire. Hell, I’m stopping, dropping, and rolling like a damn pro! But nothing is stopping these guys, not even slowing them. I’m being eaten by a sea of molecular glow bugs of all different hues of orange, red and yellow.
I look down and see red wax peel away from around my eyes and hit the ground with a SPLUTCH! Another of my cool sound effects I jusssstt came up with!
Either someone has manipulated the events here or I am suffering from a spontaneous human combustion. I might have been influenced. Saying this as if I (and you) don’t know the truth already
I fall to the ground and decide to stop moving. Decide. Decide. Decide. Did I repeat myself four times or three? I know that seems arbitrary but details like that are at the core of my combustion.
Please solve my death!
I look up and see two men, fixed in motion, not even breathing. Waves of wet film begin to move across my eyes and, with a quiet pop, I stop seeing anything at all. XOXO
What the fuck was up with that guy?
That…Happens sometimes, right? Spontaneous human combustion?
Sorry for the trouble ma’am. We’re postponing our investigation for the time being…
I lean over to whisper to Imma
And I’m sure as shit not taking a step into that cabin after what just happened.
Yeah. Wanna come over for dinner? You love my wife’s mac n cheese, right?”
d
You bet your sweet bippy I do!